 |
| For engagement details, check out our wedding website: TeamDnVWedding Website |
I haven't written much about it because I think I'm still processing it.
...There is a ring a on my finger.
...I am in love.
...My life is changing.
While I have played this over and over in my mind since I was a child, going through it has left me in a state of shock and it has sent me into an emotional season. Emotions seem to be flowing through me much more freely, which can be good ... and bad.
Preparing for my season of marriage
In this preparation season, I would like to think I am like Esther, getting ready to meet the king. While my emotional tantrums and over-reactionary impulses have recently made me feel more like a Bridezilla than a lavish, cool, captivating Esther, I realize that this season comes with trials. I am getting ready to be in a role that exemplifies to the world what the marriage between Christ and His church (his bride) looks like. I have declared a spiritual war, and the enemy would love nothing more than to pulverize me and spit on my relationship.
I must admit, wedding planning is the best way to keep you busy, which slowly disarms you. I'm feeling overwhelmed, tired and emotional, and I didn't see it coming. I mean I know about Bridezillas, but that isn't me. Right? No one actually thinks they are going to snap and fly off the handle like those other woman on T.V. Until. You. Snap.
But if you're not careful in this season of preparation and anticipation (or any season of preparation that calls for your complete attention and takes up your time), you could easily SNAP!
This week I found myself breaking --- snap. crackle. pop!
With some reflection, I realize while some Bridezillas ARE just crazy, others BECOME crazy. When we allow things to consume us and we loose focus of the true goal, it's very easy to become consumed, fanatical and CRAZY!
I have a confession...
This week I found myself acting OUT OF CHARACTER.
That's where the enemy wants to get you. He wants to identify you as a loser, unconfident, insecure, impatient, angry, bitter, grudge-holding, and any other negative attribute or characteristic. He wants you to become a BRIDEZILLA. If you're not careful, if you allow the busyness to consume you. If you stop making that Jesus time important because you are crunched on time. If you allow yourself to start feeling entitled (because it is YOUR day after all; people should know better than to have an opinion about YOUR day and they should be available at your beckon call, and should be supportive, understanding, nice, polite, cheerful, helpful, and every other wonderful attribute while you rule over them) you can, in turn, become a loser. Your confidence may be crushed. Your patience will run thin. Your anger will rise. That offense that took place will be the diving board for bitterness into your heart and will cement a grudge right where it lands.
If we aren't careful, we can and will become the very things people assume about us: a gossip, hateful, negative, toxic, etc. -- because when we are busy we neglected to take care of ourselves! And when we neglect ourselves, we neglect things like our relationship with God, our health, our diets, our sleep, our rest, our relationships, our talents, etc.--- we neglect all the things that keep us stable!
This is why Jesus said Mary chose better than Martha, for busyness focuses on a "to-do" list while a woman after God's heart finds time (MAKES TIME) to sit with the master and allow him to minister to her regardless of what needs to be completed. And when we sit with the master, we remain becoming more like him and less like a Bridezilla.
Know thyself
This week, I found myself thinking, "Well if they aren't going to like me anyway, let me give them a REASON to not like me."
This thought was totally out of character for me. I am not a loser. I am not insecure. I am not impatient or an angry personality. I am not a bitter individual and I sure as heck am not a grudge-holding Bridezilla.
That's not me. Those attributes do not define me, and I will not accept them as identifiers of my character nor will I act upon them --- regardless of who is attributing them to me. I will not step out of who God has created me to be. I know who I am. I am made in God's image and I am living my life to project Christ-like behavior. That is who I am.
I will not step out and be what others profess of me. I will not indulge in my flesh and act however I want to act in response to others. Not every situation deserves my reaction or response. I don't become who others expect me to be or who they wrongly assume me to be.
I am who my father created me to be, and that is NOT a Bridezilla.
Repentance and renewal
After my reflection I realize that I have to apologize to a few people. I have to take that walk up to a few individuals and allow some words to leave my lips that aren't going to taste very good to my pride, but will be completely satisfying to my soul. I have to do the right thing regardless of how I feel because that is who I am and that is who God has called me to be. And after this reflection I realize that is what marriage is all about. It's about intimacy, failing, repentance and renewal; a constant cycle over and over again -- which kind of looks like the resurrection.
Christ came down. He was intimate with people. He was crucified. He resurrected. He lives forever.
Where are you in your process?
Blessings!
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment