Thursday, January 16, 2014

A Confession

I have a confession...

I have not forgiven someone. Every time I see them, my heart rate increases and I get the urge to bop them over the head. It is honest, yes. Is it right? Probably not.

I cannot keep this blog without being perfectly honest about my walk. Being a Christian is not about being perfect, but it is being a very flawed individual who is willing to go through a process. I am just that, a flawed person, but really, a normal person. I have feelings, I bleed when I get cut and I hurt when I am offended. That is me and I'm sure that is you.

I have made an attempt to reach out to this individual and they have pushed me to the side, unwilling to speak to me and use their avoidance as a self validation that what they did was right. More like self preservation from feeling guilty.

Such is life, but I am tired of feeling upset at this individual; especially after randomly bumping into them at the supermarket today. That's how God serves to remind me of our unfinished business and baggage.

How are we to deal with stubborn individuals?

I choose to love. I really want to love this person through this process and not hold a grudge and record of wrong. In fact, what urks me the most is not what the person did initially to offend me (though that urks me enough), but how they handled it all by their avoidance and unwillingness to face the situation head-on by facing me and talking to me about it. That kind of behavior makes me feel as though they know they are guilty and are scared to be put on the spot. It bothers me that someone who calls them self a Christian would go about confrontation in such a manner---I wonder who else they have treated this way and it bothers me that they were someone I trusted and considered a friend.

How do you go about forgiveness after someone has done you wrong and will not face you about it?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this.


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